When you think about forgiveness, what comes to mind? Is it something that is okay for some people and actions but not others? Does it seem impossible? Do you even want to forgive?
Before I began living a spiritual life that worked for me, I never even thought about forgiveness. It just wasn’t part of my world.
Looking back, I can see that I didn’t think about forgiveness because I didn’t feel like I needed to receive it. Also, I kind of enjoyed being the “wronged” party. I enjoyed “life” being unfair because then I didn’t have to look at my own contributions to my situation.
My first introduction to forgiveness came through a spiritual teacher who described forgiveness as giving something up for something else. I hadn’t realized that holding on to judgment and resentment was keeping me from experiencing peace and joy or that I could exchange one for the other through the practice of forgiveness.
Today, I recognize feeling blocked or stuck as a signal to forgive. In the following, I share my three favorite forgiveness practices that always help shift my thoughts and feelings to a more positive place. If you’re interested in learning how to forgive and willing to do so, I suggest you try one or all of the following to see how they work for you.
Ho`oponopono
Ho`oponopono is a prayer made famous by Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, a Hawaiian psychologist and shamanic practitioner who used it to heal criminally insane prisoners. The prayer is simple: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
Len prayed this as he reviewed each prisoner’s files, and eventually, all of them were healed enough to be released. The prisoners hadn’t wronged Len. He never even met them. Somehow, this prayer went beyond circumstances and physical explanations and tapped into some kind of universal healing power that affected Len, the staff at the hospital, and the prisoners.
If you want to try this prayer, begin from a place of stillness and connection with Love/Spirit/God, whatever your name for the Divine is. Reaching this place may take a few breaths or a few moments.
From that place, picture the person you feel like you want to forgive. While imaging that person, repeat, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
For me, saying this prayer to someone I feel like has wronged me is quite the spiritual stretch. When I’m able to manage the stretch, though, my feelings of separation, “us” versus “them,” being a victim, and self-righteousness dissolve, leaving me with a feeling of peace and that all really is well.
My Version of Tonglen
Tonglen is a Tibetan term that means “sending and taking” and a Buddhist practice that includes sending love and compassion while taking away darkness and pain.
Although not necessarily focused on forgiveness, it has helped me forgive people because I cannot send compassion and love to someone while also judging and resenting them. Those energies cannot coexist, and love always wins.
My version of Tonglen looks like this:
From a place of open heartedness and love, I think of the people I love the most in the world and send them love and compassion. Usually, for me, that looks like a prayer.
I think of my favorite people and pray, “May all your dreams come true. May you know love. May you know peace. May your path unfold easily and gracefully.” The words matter less than the energy, so make the prayer meaningful for you.
Then, I think of people in my life I enjoy but don’t know as well as my favorite people and pray the same for them while maintaining the level of love and compassion that I held for my favorite people.
Then I think of people I don’t know and pray for them as lovingly and compassionately as I can. For this level, I tend to think of groups of people instead of individuals—teachers, people struggling, people in my state, and so on.
Finally, I pray for people I don’t like. This might be individuals or groups of people. Again, it is a stretch to pray “May you know peace” for people I don’t like, but usually by the time I get to this part of the prayer, I am so full of love and compassion that there is no room for judgment or resentment.
And you know who benefits from that shift? Me. Stretching my ability to feel compassion and love for others helps make me be the person I want to be and live the life I want to live.
Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping
My final go-to practice forgiveness is a worksheet designed by Colin Tipping. Tipping wrote many books and articles about the concept of Radical Forgiveness and how it can transform a person’s life.
Essentially, moving through the worksheet helps me get to a place where I realize there was never anything to forgive, that the actions of the person I think I need to forgive were actually reflecting back to me the areas I need to heal—which explains why radical is in the title!
You can find everything you need or want to know about Colin Tipping and his process at https://www.radicalforgiveness.com/ or download the Radical Forgiveness worksheet at
For me, forgiveness went from being an irrelevant concept to a spiritual practice that I rely on every day. By practicing forgiveness, I have healed very old wounds, made room for abundance and prosperity in my life, and learned how to choose love and compassion over any other emotion.
If you decide to try out some of these practices, please let me know how it goes! Or, do you have a favorite forgiveness practice that supports you in your spiritual life? I’d love to learn more!
My experience of practicing forgiveness has opened me up to love and tolerance. I have prayed for the person who is occupying my mind with unforgiveness and resentment everyday for two weeks. Praying for them to receive all the blessings I would want for myself. This has opened my mind and heart for acceptance of the person, and even love.