On a recent morning, I woke up and moved through my normal routine. I enjoyed a cup of coffee, chatted with some friends while they drove to work, and watched a bit of Good Morning Football.
Eventually, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and jumped back because I didn’t recognize myself. I’d forgotten that I’d had my hair done the day before and went from a very summery blonde to a very fall caramel color.
In my mind, I still looked like I did the day before even though my look had completely changed. I hadn’t updated my self-image, and the one I was carrying around in my head was completely inaccurate.
It’s not the first time I’ve failed to update an image of myself. Recently, I was getting to know a new friend and was telling him how confrontational, rude, and overbearing I could be. My friend didn’t believe me. He had seen no evidence of this person I was claiming to be, which made me realize that the person I was describing no longer existed.
I had changed, but my self-image hadn’t. Letting go of those old self-images supported me in recognizing, accepting, and celebrating the person I am today.
If it’s time for you to update your self-image, you might want to try the following ideas.
Look at the People Around You
There’s an old story about a family that moved into a neighborhood and was very unhappy. Their neighbors were rude. The clerks in their local stores were unfriendly. Dogs barked at them for no reason. Eventually, they got so fed up that they moved away.
The family who moved in right after them were delighted with the neighborhood. Their neighbors were friendly. They loved chatting with the clerks in their local store. Their dog made friends with every dog and person it met.
What made the difference? If you guessed the people themselves, then you guessed right.
For better or worse, the people around us tend to mirror who we are.
Think about what kind of “neighborhood” you live in. Are people usually polite and helpful? Are you struck by the kindness and generosity of your friends? Do people’s eyes twinkle as they pass you in the grocery aisle?
If yes, then what they are showing you is how polite, helpful, kind, generous, and friendly you are. The question then becomes, are you owning these awesome qualities and claiming them as yours? If not, it may be time to start.
Look at Your Desires
I used to think that the desires I had were more nightmares than dreams. They seemed completely impossible and unachievable.
What I eventually learned is that our heart’s desires aren’t meant to torture us with what we don’t have. They’re meant to show what is possible for us.
If you haven’t looked at your desires in a while, ask yourself the following questions: What kind of situations are calling to you? How would you spend your time if it was completely up to you? What kind of relationships would you love to have? What would you change about your life if you could?
As you live the spiritual life that works for you, these desires and dreams are sure to change as you do. Asking yourself “What is my heart’s desire” today may give you a different answer than you’ve received in the past and reflect back a new version of yourself and your life that would have never occurred to the old you.
Look to the Past
Looking back isn’t something I usually advocate. But if you’re looking to update your self-image, it’s a great way to measure how far you’ve come.
I know that I can look back and think of several times I would love a do-over: times when I was impatient, missed a chance to be kind, or was rude and dismissive.
Although I could look back with regret, I also have the option to look back with appreciation. I can appreciate that I was doing the best I could with the resources, knowledge, and abilities I had at the time. I can appreciate that those kinds of actions are very rare for me now. Perhaps most important, I can appreciate the steps I took, the wounds I healed, and the changes I’ve embraced to create this new me.
If you can, try to look back with appreciation, instead of regret, so that you can claim this (latest) best version of yourself and remember that change is happening, you are becoming who you want to be, and the best is yet to be.
Having an accurate self-image is tough. We can never truly see ourselves for who we are, especially if who we were is the lens we’re looking through. The more we can let go of the self-images of who we were, the more we can embrace who we are today and imagine who we might still become.
Do you have an old image of yourself that keeps getting in your way? Are you ready to refresh that point of view? If you've updated your self-image or intend to, tell me all about it in the comments!
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