Two Words That Can Change Everything

At some point in my childhood, I heard that the “true” sign of intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas simultaneously and still be able to function. It’s a standard I’ve tried to live up to for as long as I can remember, and it’s a practice that is especially helpful in living a spiritual life, which seems full of contradictions.

For example, how it is possible to know that forgiveness won’t change the facts of a situation but that it will change everything else?

How is it possible to be content and grateful for all we have in our lives and still honor the inherent urge to grow and expand not only what we have but who we are and what we’re capable of?

How can the invisible presence of the Divine, however we may define and experience it, feel more real and solid at times than the physical objects around us?

All it takes to resolve these apparent contradictions is two little words: Both And.

Just to let you know, our brains do not like Both And.

Both And slows down the brain’s job of categorizing people, events, situations, and everything in between into singular, discrete, either/or boxes so that it can efficiently get on with the business of living.

Of course, another part of our brains knows that the business of living is messy and that people, events, situations, and everything in between do not fit in one category and one category alone.

That’s where Both And comes in!

Benefits of Both And

Both And allows for people—including ourselves—to be more fully seen and realized. It allows for connection and bridging differences instead of condemning and silo building.

It also allows us to feel all of the rich, deep, lifegiving, and sometimes contradictory experiences that life offers.

We can be both committed to our course and open to possibilities. We can be both excited and scared in the face of a new opportunity. We can be both determined and flexible.

Practicing Both And also stretches us so that we can accommodate and allow for all the shades of the human experience, both our own and that of others.

It is what allows us to disagree with someone without disrespecting them, to feel our deepest pain because that is where we will also find our deepest capacity to love, and to be scared and show up anyway.

How to Practice Both And

Learning how to live Both And is both an internal and external practice (naturally!).

Internally, it involves first recognizing where we are practicing either/or and then being willing to replace that mindset with Both And.

For example, one of my spiritual truths is that everyone, including myself, is doing the best they can at any given moment and that it’s good enough because it really is their best at that particular moment.

When I judge people for decisions, ideas, or actions that I don’t agree with, I might be tempted to put them into the stand-alone box of “bonehead” and never add to that categorization.

But if I practice Both And, I can add my spiritual truth about people doing the best they can, and suddenly the “bonehead” is real person deserving of compassion and kindness in whatever internal thoughts I may have.

Externally, though, I may decide that for my own health and well-being, I will limit the time I spend with certain people. That way, I can both be compassionate toward others and take care of myself and my own well-being.

---

I invite you this week to examine where your brain may be judging and categorizing people, events, and situations and take the less efficient but more rewarding exercise of allowing for a Both And perspective. I look forward to hearing about how it works out for you!